What has happened (Or another perspective)

Thank you to everyone who's commented or encouraged me about the previous post.  It seems like a lot of people can relate.  But as I mentioned, there is another way of looking at the situation.  This post is partly inspired by one of the best talks I ever heard my Dad give (apart from my wedding speech!).  It was at a school assembly in about 2000.  He talked about failure.  He talked about a young man getting a place at Cambridge University, only to fail his first year exams and get 'kicked out', so to speak, leaving him with no option but to go to any University that would accept him - not one of the best ones let's say.  Embarrassing?  Yes.  Fail?  Pretty much.  This then of course affected the jobs and opportunities he had access to subsequently.  But this same man went on to travel, including working on an irrigation project in Kenya, and met a girl, and got married and had four daughters, and provided for them, and loved them well.  Would you call him a failure?  I don't think so.  That man was my Dad, and I was struck by his honesty and perspective.  I've no doubt it must have been devastating at the time, but he chose to get on with life and not let it hold him back.

For a long time I've dreaded the question, 'so what do you do?'.  But again I think it's a choice in how we respond and how we let our circumstances affect our attitude.  I must admit I am only slowly beginning to grasp this and attempt to live it out.  I may feel differently in a few weeks time, but right now, in this season, I can honestly say that I ENJOY the work that I do.  I like the variety, I like that I get to chat with people, I like that I get to wear whatever I like in all three jobs.  Perhaps it helps to know this is only for a season, that soon change is a'coming (more on that soon for those that don't know!).  And there's a balance isn't there, in finding CONTENTMENT in whatever season or situation you're in, whilst not settling, and not stopping to DREAM.  I find I often need challenging about this - because as I said before, I do lose my confidence, and I do doubt myself, and yet the reason I get frustrated is that deep down I believe I am made for more, and I do want to achieve great things.

And that's really what I wanted to talk about (yep, it takes me a while to get to the point!).  What do we mean by 'great things'?  What do we define as important, or as achievement?  Again, it's perspective.  A dear friend of mine sent me a really encouraging message in response to the last post saying that I have been changing the world, just not perhaps in the exciting ways I expected.  And I know I have learnt a helluvalot in the last few years.  And I know there are lots of years to come in which to learn more.  And do more.  And become more.  And it doesn't all have to happen right now!

So I'll finish with some of the things I have learnt and I have done that I probably wouldn't have if I had gone straight into a 'real job' and earned real money and all the rest....

I've learnt how to clean.  I have washed up for England, swept and mopped and buffed wooden hall floors, cleaned more toilets than I can remember, warehouses, a pub, and people's homes.

I've learnt more about benefits.  I know how to claim for housing benefit, know that I cannot yet claim job seekers allowance should I become unemployed once again, know good times to call or go down to the benefits place to avoid long queues.

I've learnt about disability.  I know how to use hoists and slings and wheelchairs and give medication and vent and feed and administer personal care.  I've gotten to know a 15-year-old boy with severe cerebral palsy and his family and friends and seen a little of the challenges they face, and been inspired by their humour and strength.

I've learnt about pubs.  I know how to pour a pint and change a barrel and I know who likes what drink in what glass and with how many ice cubes!  I know a little more about darts and poker and pool and football and betting (only a little!).

I've learnt about charities.  Like FareShare.  I've seen the amazing work that they do, the challenges of fundraising, the benefits to volunteers.  I've had my eyes opened to the poverty and struggles of many people in Brighton and Hove, as well as been inspired by the people who are trying to change things.

I've learnt about children.  I've learnt how important Early Years education is and what a difference a safe and nurturing environment can make on the emotional and physical and intellectual development of children as young as two.  I know how to make playdough and sing many many songs and games and I know how individual each child is and how precious.

I've learnt about jewellery.  I have spent time in a cooperative workshop and helped to make silver jewellery and cut and filed and oxidised and welded and polished and filed some more!

I've learnt about admin.  I am queen of the photocopier and laminator!  I have emailed and printed and guillotined and telephoned and spreadsheeted and filed and emailed and filed and posted and invoiced and paid and ordered and organised and tweeted and tried to improve a website and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  (I've learnt it is not my first love or my greatest gifting but i   can   do    it).

I've learnt about poetry and poets and spoken word events.  I have written and performed and created and shared and been inspired.

And... I've learnt about decorating venues, and discovered much more of Brighton, and learnt about movement and dancing and creativity and freedom and also about babies (not mine!) and MARRIAGE (yes, mine!), and communication and teaching and confrontation and the arts council website, and that I can cry even more than I thought, and about depression and I've also improved my cooking (I hope), and visited India and Norway and got closer to my family (mainly over the phone) and missed friends who aren't around anymore but made new friends too.

And in all these things, I have met such a cross-section of people who have taught me so much through their passion and perspective and drive and compassion.  I've learnt to relate to people of all ages and backgrounds, which I suppose was what I set out to do in the first place.  I've hopefully become a better communicator and a bit less easily offended and more comfortable with being myself.

SO yeh.  I guess I have learnt quite a bit.  And I'm sure, if you think about it, you have too!