What I remembered/learned, this weekend

Sometimes, after another one of THOSE weeks, (I think) you've got to say:

F*** the cough and the cold that have been clutching icy fingers around your chest
and F*** the late night tears when all the unanswered questions overwhelm
and F*** feeling lonely
and F*** the dark cloud overhead
and F*** not consuming dairy, caffeine or alcohol
and say 'Fuck' out loud

And get on a train
And have one more little cry
And then slap on some more foundation over the shadows under your eyes
And take a big gulp of the gin and tonic your sister-in-law hands you
And apply red lipstick generously
And wear ridiculously short shorts that show off the tattoo no one usually sees
And wobble downstairs in high heels
And throw your arms around people you love
And have some more gin and tonic
And dance
And dance
And dance

London Lenten thanks

It's Lent, and winter, and cold and dark, and life still feels pretty uncertain - definitely a season requiring some thanks to keep focussed on the light.

So here's some recent London discoveries I'm grateful for:

Ziferblat and sisters

That cafe where you pay per minute... My younger sister (who's spent the last few years in Preston/Manchester and hardly ever comes to London) came down and spent a Sunday with me and my other younger sister (who's currently living in London AND is working with me - hooray!). We did touristy stuff like wander down Brick Lane, bought Chinese from one of the food stalls, walked past the Tower of London, climbed the Monument (built in memory of the Great Fire) and ended the day at this lovely cafe. Great atmosphere, friendly staff, tons of board games. You pay for your time, not what you eat/drink. Can't say there was the most amazing selection of food and beverages BUT vibes more than made up for it. Also we arrived at the end of a rainy Sunday, so stocks might have been depleted by then!

2015: an in between sort of year

2015 is coming to an end, so let's embrace all the cliches and reflect, because if not now then when?

Ideally I'd like a few days to be still, and quiet, and ponder, and prepare for the New Year. But the reality is Christmas with family full of sherry and stilton and cosy sofa times, a weekend ahead in Brighton catching up with friends (and probably more alcohol and cheese!) and in between, back to work. Fun times, for sure, but not really that reflective. And I'll be honest as much as I know I need to stop and pray, most times I'd rather just read a book and escape. So I'm trying to snatch moments - thank you notes composed on the train, pleas for a sign whispered to the stars as I cycle home from the station, pausing from the pages of an autobiography that awakens something in me.

That's kind of how life is right now - a hurried mix of gratefulness, discomfort and longing. Perhaps life's always like that, but this whole year has felt like an in-between one: endings, transitions, beginnings and all the awkwardness (and joy) that accompany them. Maybe more than ever before, no where's really felt like home this year. From the beginning of 2015 we knew we were heading 'Upcountry' and so began to loosen our Penzance roots a little. Relationships shifted, some deepening as we made the most of the last few months, others changing in ways I wish they hadn't. We took a lot of sacks to charity shops. We lightened our load, ready for the next adventure, we were excited about being closer to the rest of the world, about University for Mr Q, about London.

The contradictions of being 29

I've been 29 for a couple of months. Since my birthday, in fact.

It's coincided with moving to London/just-outside-London/Hatfield (depending on how familiar I think you are with small Hertfordshire towns, or how lenient I think you'll be on defining what just-outside-London means). So perhaps some of the below list is also influenced by being in a new setting. Either way, I feel like 29 is kind of a weird age, with quite a lot of contradictions going on. To be fair a lot of them are based on me supposedly not looking like a 29-year-old supposedly looks. Whatever that means. Which is kind of my point:

WHAT DOES 29 LOOK LIKE?

Here's my experience of it so far, perhaps you can relate...

Breathe out peace

Some of my reflections on all that's going on in the world. I know there's no easy answers, and there's opinions on all sides as to how we respond. I don't know the ins and outs, I don't know the best way forward. But this is some of what my heart says, about how we could be living every day, because you don't know what tomorrow will bring, and the smallest gesture could change eveything.

Today reminds me

To breathe out peace

Before the trouble comes
Before the night arrives
Before the sirens and the hashtags
Breathe out peace

In all the comings and goings
In all the conversations and pauses in between
Bring it with you, wear it on your sleeve
Pass it on, pass it on

Catching up on creativity, health and community

About a month ago I wrote a post about intentions for this new season.

The past month hasn't quite gone as expected (maybe I'll write about that next time), and while for the most part I'm clinging to the words I wrote before stuff kicked off, I thought it would be good to remind myself of those aims. As I'm pretty good at starting and not finishing, about talking and not doing. And the changes that have occurred don't change the value of creativity, health and community.