last night with the pebbles

last night we went down to the beach.

the moon is just a slither but present enough to be reflected on the surface of the water and the small, breaking waves.  the low tide reveals a broad stretch of pebbles spread out before us, providing a refuge from the city lights and noise.  candles are lit, pinpricks in the dark like the stars above them.  the scent of roses and cigarettes wafts upward and around two brothers and their wives, huddling together in the icy air. a picture of a beautiful young woman is set carefully amongst the candles, radiating warmth. we remember her. they remember for me, because i never got the chance to know.  her smile, her kindness, her love and care. we remember her. we celebrate the difference her life made.  we don't dwell on the horror of the ending but talk of birthday calls and bags of smarties and an infectious grin. we mourn our loss.  the loss of a big sister. we drink whisky and we read poems and words

...God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away...

and we tell God we hurt and we're angry and we don't understand and say please please be with the little ones left without a mother. there are some tears. there's been a lot already.  there are still more to come. and it will all take time...

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

    a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

we light chinese lanterns and watch them float upward, join the stars and disappear.

we say goodbye.