2017, here I am (Or, 2016 wasn't all bad)

2017 is finally here. And I'm here with it.

The geeky side of me feels like 2016 is a much more satisfying number BUT maybe it's time for a prime - time for something a little different, a little unique.

And as has been said thousands of times, 2016 wasn't exactly golden in many ways. But in other ways of course it was. There were miracles and promises and new life and adventures and the plodding-on-faithful-sort-of-love just as there was disappointment and death and departures and sometimes despair. Like in any other year.

For us, as you already know, there's been rather a lot of change.

London life 1

We've been here for three weeks. It might end up sounding like we've done a ton of stuff; the reality is that most of it has been working, pretty early nights and trying to make plans with people but realising they all have established lives and we're going to need to get ourselves more organised than last minute BBQ invites!

BUT I have done a few London things, and those few things have made me happy and glad to be here:

Listening to music at Campbell's Canal Cafe

This was where I wrote most of the last post; where I took a Zambian friend earlier this year having not seen each other since we were 16, and weirdly enough where I sat with two dear Brighton/uni friends many moons ago on a daytrip to Camden - only to find us all living in London now. Anyways, I like it a lot. Hubby and I went for a stroll on Thursday because miracle of miracles I finished work at a pretty reasonable time. We looked in to see if there was any music going on and joyfully there was a pair playing guitar and singing Brazilian jazz.  Washed down with a gin cocktail. Lovely. I plan to check out their Wednesday open mic night soon.

Next Chapter: London

So we have moved again.

I'm still pulling together the pieces of me that have felt both squeezed and scattered over the past few months, in the stress, pressure, uncertainty and tiredness of moving and a busy season at work and that commute and generally not feeling settled in the place we've been in since September.

So this is more of a selection of reflections that have stuttered out of me over the first two Saturdays in our new home, the first couple of day in ages when the clock and email and to-do list haven't ruled and my body and mind have had an opportunity to slow down.

I still feel a long way from myself, if that makes any sense. My thoughts come clumsy and half formed, eluding definition. But I'm trying to shape them into some form, trying to turn them into stepping stones out of one season and into the next, so that I don't get stuck in the middle for too long. So even though this post keeps subsiding into a shapeless jumble, I'll post it. Because marking the moments is important, isn't it?

There's photos too, because for the first time in ages last weekend I got to go out walking with my camera and no time limit. Last weekend, on the morning of a long long awaited opportunity for a lie in, I of course woke up at 3.30am (why???!!), couldn't get back to sleep and so after watching the remaining episodes of New Girl, I decided to get out in the early morning light and explore our new neighbourhood.

Love letter to London

I wrote this last year, in the back of my journal, scribbled in green pen.

A friend happened to read it and said I should share it, so here it is. Not too polished, but it's honest.

I almost don't want to say this out loud. But London, I feel a little disappointed. In you? By you?

You and me, we've been ever so slowly moving towards each other all these years. An inevitable trajectory - we knew one day we'd be together.

In the meantime, it was all quick dates and brief flings. Exciting, exhilarating, a guilty pleasure. Rough around the edges you were - and that's what I loved. The mix of grime and colour. The unexpected cosy corner. Majesty, mystery, misery all rocking side by side.

You were fresh air in my lungs, a raw kick after the sleepiness of Oxford; energetic honesty after the surrealism of Brighton. You were ideas and positivity peeking up out of the grey. Basements and breakdancing, Brixton, Brick Lane, the last train back to Brighton all danced out and satisfied.

Lots of London Lenten Thanks (part 2)

Some more thanks, to fight back against the gloom that settles too quickly on my shoulders at the moment, the anxiety that tightens my chest. The "God God God, help" I chant under my breath every morning.

It feels wrong to feel sad in the springtime.

But anyway.

In between all this there's been some moments of London joy. I've been trying to finish this off for over a week, and now it's gotten long and each thing probably could have done with its own post. But hey ho, it's done, it's still Lent, just about!! :-)

Pavrov Stelar @ Alexandra Palace

Why have I not been to "Ally Pally" before?!! What a fab venue, and a great view over London (that I couldn't see this time as it was dark, but will definitely be back!). There are food stalls, so everyone was eating, sitting on the fake grass and listening to some live music before the actual show. Felt like a festival. Pavrov Stelar (Austrian electro swing DJ plus live band) were awesome, especially the saxophone, trumpet and trombone players as well as the stage lighting. Did boogie a little, with my beautiful friend Shona, although wasn't quite the full on dance I hoped, partly because there were SO many people there and very little room! But a fab night, followed by a lazy morning lying in the sunshine coming through the living room window. Lovely.

London Lenten thanks

It's Lent, and winter, and cold and dark, and life still feels pretty uncertain - definitely a season requiring some thanks to keep focussed on the light.

So here's some recent London discoveries I'm grateful for:

Ziferblat and sisters

That cafe where you pay per minute... My younger sister (who's spent the last few years in Preston/Manchester and hardly ever comes to London) came down and spent a Sunday with me and my other younger sister (who's currently living in London AND is working with me - hooray!). We did touristy stuff like wander down Brick Lane, bought Chinese from one of the food stalls, walked past the Tower of London, climbed the Monument (built in memory of the Great Fire) and ended the day at this lovely cafe. Great atmosphere, friendly staff, tons of board games. You pay for your time, not what you eat/drink. Can't say there was the most amazing selection of food and beverages BUT vibes more than made up for it. Also we arrived at the end of a rainy Sunday, so stocks might have been depleted by then!

Catching up on creativity, health and community

About a month ago I wrote a post about intentions for this new season.

The past month hasn't quite gone as expected (maybe I'll write about that next time), and while for the most part I'm clinging to the words I wrote before stuff kicked off, I thought it would be good to remind myself of those aims. As I'm pretty good at starting and not finishing, about talking and not doing. And the changes that have occurred don't change the value of creativity, health and community.

Day 3 - The City (first draft)

Arriving I hover
Feet forbidden from touching concrete
An obstruction to the flow
I try to shrink
Invisibilize myself
Mask on: I know where I'm going and what I'm doing and why I'm here
I'm not really looking a googlemaps on my phone
such a FAKER
but if the guard drops then YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE HERE
You will be ejected from chewing gum decorated paving slabs, ricocheted off sparkling window reflections, blinded by fluorescent beams
And sent flying into the Thames -
Swept away from this place
Where you do not belong

I do not belong
They are correct
I do no want to belong
In the stubborn stream of black coats and cases
In the ravenous marble foyers
Inside-out caverns of
Steel and glass
Everything revealed
Everything hidden
Wealth beyond imagining
Indulgent escalators
City masquerade
Tickets to the ball only cost your life and your health
And perhaps your happiness
But it'll be worth it for the swanky napkins and crab sandwiches

Salmon weaving upriver
I cannot stay here



Yesterday I arrived in London at Liverpool Street Station and walked toward Shoreditch, just as everyone was leaving work.  It was a little overwhelming, to say the least!

Feature at Farrago

There's me.  (Weird photo but hey ho.)

This is tonight...

Highlights from Something I Said?

OK these are just a few personal highlights from a very hectic but GOOD weekend!!

Working with a fantastic group of people - the Tilt Team, the Southbank Centre Staff and the performers. Matching faces to email-names was really good. Much prefer face to face contact!

Walking along the Thames in winter sun to 'work' in my skirt and boots and feeling all 'grown up'

Luke Kennard falling off the stage. Harsh, I know, but it was good to laugh.

Jokes with Mike Ladd, Juice Aleem and Stacey Makishi in the green room

The Zumba taster...!

Hearing author Maggie Gee talk about reasons for writing

Meeting and hearing from such established poets such as Amiri Baraka, Jean 'Binta' Breeze, Michael Horowitz - and realising how central art can be to revolution.

David J on the microphone, he got skills! and a message...

Aruba Red and band - amazing!


Meeting so many people who are passionate about both the written and spoken word, and being inspired...

Something I Said?

So the internship I am doing at the moment is with Tilt - 'spoken word pioneers' - who are curating this whole weekend of top quality events and performers. I'll be there all weekend helping out, looking forwards to it! Get yourself there if you can!

1001 things

i went to london yesterday to spend the day with a great friend of mine. it was good.

i like London.

i like the colours and the variety and the creativity... everywhere you look, of people, clothes, shops, buildings, food... i know there's also a lot that's not good. but it's definitely inspiring. a whole flood of images rushing before your eyes.

we went to the Photographer's Gallery near Oxford Circus. There's an exhibition on at the moment which i highly recommend. It's by Jim Goldberg and called "Open See". It's about immigration and people trafficking, with images of people and snapshots of their stories from all around the world including DRC, Greece, Ukraine, Liberia, Afghanistan. It's on until the end of January and entrance is free.

i also love a certain cafe (named 'cafe onethousandandone', hence the title of this blog post) on brick lane. there's quite cheap coffee, mango juice, big pastries, homemade cheesecake, and a bar among other treats. then you go up some steps and there's a softly lit big room full to bursting of comfy sofas and little nooks to sit in. and a "book orphanage" and interesting paintings on the walls and good music. it's my idea of ideal, really. :-)

fave snaps from the weekend

thursday in london

a friend.

(Helen, who i met in Ibiza last summer and

lived with there this summer... stopping over in London on her way back from a Christmas visit to Germany)

a bar.

(this was actually where we went on new years eve. helen would have been there if she could!)

a great cafe.
(cafe 1001 on brick lane. everything i like in a cafe. homemade danish pastries, sofas, internet, cushions, good music)

a market.
(spitalfields antique market. highly random!)

a walk.
wanting to make most of my day pass and not feeling like rushing back to Brighton, i took a wonder down the Thames path. Thinking to myself one day I'll be here but after seeing all the people rushing around in their suits and black coats, maybe I am not ready for it yet. I think first I'd like to go to the less known places...

GH75

my friend and best-dancing-companion from Ibiza, Michael, DJ-ed in Brixton last night with 'Gettin Hectic'. we grooved, along with another couple of lovely ibiza/london/clubbing-related-friends and posed with the multitude of umbrellas out on the terrace. nice touch.

the only not so fun thing was getting the train back to Brighton at 4am with many drunk teenagers. (grumpy old me!). but worth it.

going out also made me miss Ibiza, especially going to "shipwrecked"!

"EPIC WORSHIP"...

... is a night put on by my friend Nick who loves trance music and loves God and combines the two... in a basement in old street... and a random selection of beautiful people who came to express their worship and prayers in dance and paint and words and more...