Friday 1 July 2011

worry not

OK so I KNOW we're told many times not to worry
I know that worrying solves nothing
I know that I don't want worry or fear to be what dictates my decisions and feelings
I know that my God can feed 5,000 people with just a few fish and loaves of bread
I know that I am His child and He gives good things to His children
I know that I am fortunate enough to have people around who will help out if worst comes to worst

YET... I still often find myself carrying a knot of anxiety in my stomach, wondering if things will work out, carrying burdens I have told other people so many times to lay down. I worry we will not be able to save enough money over the summer to get us somewhere to live once we're married. I worry that the wedding will not be what I hoped it would be. I worry I will let people down. I worry I'll let myself down. I worry about worrying.

oh man! I am so human. and on another day I'd laugh at myself. And I know I'll look back and say what a waste of time and life that worrying was.

And even in the midst of this, He continually shows His kindness. We unexpectedly received some money from a relative the other day, which is such a blessing. And this morning I read something in Matthew that i swear I've never seen before, even though I've read the book several times. I guess Peter was worrying about paying the bills, and Jesus says look the authorities 'ain't got nothing on us' - or words to that effect - 'but just so you know God's still looking out for you, go catch a fish and there'll be the money to pay in the fish's mouth'. So He can provide in all sorts of unexpected ways!! And I'm sorry once again for doubting.

So. Perhaps 100 times a day, if I need to, I will try and 'lay it down'. To breathe deeply and be grateful for what I do have. And chose to live in the today.


Ndidi Sola said...

Love it! Needed it this morning Congrats on getting married. Where have I been? And where have you been?

Heather said...

Thanks for sharing, Kat. Our walk with Him is definitely one of faith - one of casting all our cares on Him - for He cares so much for us. He hasn't promised the proverbial 'bed of roses', but has promised that He is with us each step of the way. May He open the doors of His full-to-overflowing warehouse and take care of all your needs. I remember a song we sang as children: 'He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, the wealth in every mine, He owns the valleys, and the rocks and rills, the sun and stars that shine, Wonderful riches more than tongue can tell, He is my Father, so they're mine as well!' May His grace and provision sustain both you and Llewellyn as you take this 'giant step' together, knowing that you are loved by Him, and both family and friends, Heather xx