Sunday, 3 April 2011

late night musing

late night ponderings...

i haven't done this for ages, stayed up late perusing internet, well, facebook, with an urge to chat to people in other places from past times... wishing i had msn or skype or something but this isn't my laptop...

i haven't 'chatted' online for so long, quite a while ago i started to find it all a bit overwhelming, finding it hard enough to keep up with people here in Brighton let alone in Zambia/USA/Spain/etc.

But tonight, I'd like to. Perhaps because today i went to a friend's 'baby bash'/housewarming which doubled up as a reunion with some of my closest university friends, so i'm in a reminiscing mood. Remembering times when hanging out with particular groups of people was an everyday thing, not a once in a while thing.

The reason for the gathering also makes me realise we are growing up, things are changing, and they won't go back to how they were. Which does make me a bit sad to be honest, especially as the future feels pretty uncertain for a lot of us. And it seems that the decisions we make now hold more gravity than ever before. Maybe that's why it's tempting to hold on to the past. Because with hindsight we can see how things worked out. And I'm sure on the whole i remember the good things more than the bad things. Like, for example, I lived in Zambia for about 2 1/2 years and left when i was 15 - which is nearly 10 years ago now. TEN YEARS! yet some memories are still as clear as day, and today I miss friends from there (to be fair I spent several years maintaining close contact with lots of them, it's just been the last couple of years that this has changed) and today I feel nostalgic for even silly things like writing secret notes to boys when in reality I and friends around me are making big decisions like who we are going to spend the rest of our life with!!! And these are good and exciting things but as I said, pretty scary. Then again whatever age you are or season you're in, I think decisions feel like a big deal, life feels uncertain, and we reminisce with our rose tinted spectacles on. I know that my time in Zambia wasn't all easy. I know it took me a long time to make the friendships that I came to appreciate so much. I know that writing notes to boys was sometimes a massive, awkward deal!

So I know really I need to get on and be PRESENT and enjoy the day and the season I'm in. And I should also go to bed because it's nearly 4am and that's just a bit silly! :-)

1 comment:

Circus Queen said...

I can't believe after that long drive back to Brighton you mustered up the energy to write this! It meant so much to us that you came and shared in the big day. Yes, we're all doing very grown up things. Us reproducing, you and Mr Q joining. It's all very exciting. By the way, I thanked all my friends more fully on my blog. xxx