i guess it's easier to feel 'peaceful' and OK in the midst of goodbyes because afterall you are still with the people, and you don't yet know what it will feel like to not be with them. and it's easier to feel content when the sun is shining and the sky is blue (literally).
it's harder when you're not there anymore. when your country lives up to its stereotypes in grey skys and cold weather (yet still hayfever!) and in general not massively warm people (on the surface anyways). when what you've come back to isn't the same as what you left and neither are you. and when the people you miss are far enough away you cannot drop round for the afternoon.
not meaning to sound miserable, i know it will take time. i know everything will be ok. and i knew it wouldn't be a 'walk in the park'. maybe today i just wish it was like that. BUT i prefer this to feeling relieved to have left, which is what i might have felt earlier in the year. i don't want to waste time feeling sorry for myself, i've done that before; i don't want to lose the joy i found the last few months, but it might just take some searching, some actively looking for or even creating the good, and it might just take some time.
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