shopping

shopping is not my first love. indeed it is far far from that place. whether supermarkets, shopping malls or even random arty markets i seem to get the same feeling of claustrophobia and weariness and sadness at the overwhelming consumerism that dominates the minds and actions of the people around me in those places. i have also been thinking about trying to live more simply - having only what i 'need' and not all the extras - and using my money more wisely and less selfishly. I have been overwhelmingly blessed throughout my life by the generosity of friends and relatives ~ most of what i own was a gift or the result of a gift ~ and i think it's time to reflect my thankfulness in my economic decisions.

and YET, this materialistic culture permeates deeper than i think. it's easy to say all of the above until you are standing in a clothes shop during the sales and tops are going for £3 and suddenly your mind goes blank of all the tops you own already and that one suddenly does seem like a necessity. and after all it's Christmas; it's OK to treat yourself... and you try to forget everything you've ever heard about shopping ethically (same goes when i am in 'desperate need' of chocolate and galaxy is half the price of a fairtrade bar...) and tell yourself NEXT TIME... NEXT TIME...

i also bought a pair of boots that are exactly the same as the pair that i have walked all over Sevilla in this year and made holes in the heels. I've never done that before; bought an exact replica of something. I feel like my Uncle who was talking about how he buys the same pair of shoes and trousers everytime; and wears them till they wear out then buys more. 'how boring' i thought to myself... and now here i am. But in my defense they are the only pair of shoes i've had in a long time that i find really comfortable and that fit my 5 1/2 feet suitably. My feet rebel against nearly all shoes, they'd really rather be bare, but sadly that's just not always possible. More so in Spain where it actually seems to be offensive to remove your shoes!

So, with my new shoes and top i don't know whether to feel guilty, which doesn't really solve anything. I guess i should enjoy them but at the same time i do really want to make 2008 the start of a more simple and ethical way of living...