that´s not how it feels at the moment. does that mean i'm actually following something/someone else? have i missed something here? this week i've felt heavy... like everything is an effort and that numbness continues - like even though there's been lots of good things that normally i would really enjoy it´s as though their colour has faded and again i'm watching myself go through the motions without really feeling like i'm there.
but i'm beginning to think maybe it's nothing dramatic, maybe it's just that i'm tired. end-of-term and need to go home kind of tired. tired of a term that´s lasted about 3 months instead of the 10 weeks i am accustomed too, of spending over 2 hours every day walking/bus-ing around the city, of trying to learn spanish and of not really feeling at home in my flat. that's not meant to sound like complaints - usually those things don´t bother me. maybe i'm just trying to tell myself it's ok that i'm feeling ready to go home. so that when i come back i can appreciate things again.
but yeh there have been lots of good things this week:
- like baking christmas cookies in my second-home (the flat where i stayed in the beginning and now spend at least one night a week) with the christmas tree and christmas lights and christmas carols playing
- having friends that will listen to me moan and then go see 'Bee-movie' dubbed in spanish so that we don't have to think for a while
- baking cookies again (i must do this more, i forgot how much i like it! shame i don´t have an oven in my flat...)
- going for a drink with the whole 'anthropology of development' class including the professor, instead of having our last lesson of the term
- coffees in the sun (as usual!)
- two 'bring-and-share' meals; one with people from anthropology and one with people from the CU - very different crowds of people but both good nights of good food and interesting conversations...(i will talk more about these!)
sadly this week i also have to say goodbye to some good friends who are leaving Sevilla and not coming back after Christmas like me. i will really miss the girls from 'Acento' - one of the private American programmes here. i met some of them right at the beginning and continued to see them at least once a week when they'd always brighten my day. it won't be the same without them here. Also my friend Abi is going back to Germany which is sad because was only just getting to know him and will miss having someone to be rude to :o) but hey, more places to stay in my future world tours...! It´s weird for once not being the one who is leaving, but the one being left. it's made me realise i'm not ready to go yet though, which is good.
tomorrow my twin sister and a friend who is pretty much my fourth sister are coming to visit which will be so great! my first proper visitors! can´t wait to chill with them and enjoy this beautiful place together.
OK there is lots more i´ve been thinking about this week but i think they need to go in separate posts, which i will do my best to write today or tomorrow...
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