I have a few minutes alone - hubby is washing up after cooking me a lovely dinner and watching the 'The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel'. Feel good film for sure. Hubby's in the kitchen listening to some horrific screamy 'music' that he's partial too. I am under the covers with my laptop and some emotional Spanish music (LOVE IT: aiiiii ventannaaaa....mi pobre corazon....mi almaaaa....estoy loca de amor.....aiiiiii...etc), head full of ponderings from the past few days, having had no time or energy (boring bad cold and body saying 'stop working so much!') to write them down or to see friends to talk them through properly with. Perhaps that's why I have a blog. To give me the opportunity to talk things out without having to watch someone's eyes wander/glaze over as I lose/bore them! And yet the idea that someone will hear my words, unlike those written in my journal, which I'm supposing no one will read until I die. yes I do imagine someone pouring with great interest over my heartfelt scribblings, all 20...30...journals (probably more by then) and turning them into a best-selling book. or at least proclaiming something about my depth and insight and wisdom. haha. ok i'm not actually really joking. is that bad?
Which leads me onto one of the things I've been thinking about this week. About how much we share, especially on blogs. It's interesting to see the scope of open-ness there is in the blogging world. There's people who don't spare much detail about anything but remain anonymous. Some mummy bloggers give their children's names, some don't. Some people I know who write blogs have to keep things fairly vague because of the nature of their work e.g. friends working with child prostitutes. I find most people can be very open on certain subjects, but not on others. For example some might be very vulnerable about their faith/beliefs/doubts but say nothing about their relationships. Some people only ever write about their children. Some only about their political views.
I know I'm stating the obvious, perhaps I'm just trying to figure out where I fit, how much I want to share, etc. I know I am often overly aware/sensitive to how others perceive me despite having spent most of my life trying not to care too much. I think most people that read my blog are people that already know me - in some senses it's probably them I'm most concerned about, rather than the unknowns who stumble across it. Maybe because in 'real life', we don't tell everyone everything. For example, there's people I speak to about my faith, and there's others I won't. I don't think it's because I want to hide, I suppose it's whether or not I think the other person will 'get it', or at least want to try to. A lot of people don't want to hear/talk about that kind of thing. Others only want to argue about it and I'm not really up for that. In the same vein there's some friends I'd tell really personal stuff to, and others I perhaps wouldn't. I do try to be pretty open with everyone, and would like to be seen as consistent, but I realise throughout the day I speak with different filters on. There might be a positive side to this, in that I think I'm quite good at relating to lots of different people from different backgrounds. I don't want to alienate people. But at the end of the day, even if the language changes, I'd like the message to remain the same as much as possible.
Maybe that's another reason for the blog. To speak more honestly than I do in person because I too easily shy from confrontation/feel intimidated or rushed. I've always been better at writing than speaking. And as I said, I don't want to hide. But what does that mean? Sometimes I fancy writing about embarrassing sex-related situations, or nakedness, or ranting about hair removal, or other less civilized topics that grownup girls aren't meant to talk about or admit. Not to shock, necessarily, but because I think some things DO need to be talked about more so that we realise things really aren't like they are in the films - for pretty much everyone, not just you! On the other hand there has to be some level of privacy, right? I don't know. I wouldn't want to embarrass people I love. I don't particularly want to just be known for talking about boobs and bits. But I do want to bring reality in, not just poemy, pondery pieces. I want to reflect more of the crazy breadth of life and people. [On the other hand maybe I just haven't had enough 'girlie' time lately to get all those things off my chest!] pun intended.
Annnnyway, hubby demands some attention so I must go...nooo not like that... it's time for another installment of 'Breaking Bad'. But in the meantime I'll keep on pondering the whys and hows of this bloggety-blog. Any thoughts, let me know :-)
Which leads me onto one of the things I've been thinking about this week. About how much we share, especially on blogs. It's interesting to see the scope of open-ness there is in the blogging world. There's people who don't spare much detail about anything but remain anonymous. Some mummy bloggers give their children's names, some don't. Some people I know who write blogs have to keep things fairly vague because of the nature of their work e.g. friends working with child prostitutes. I find most people can be very open on certain subjects, but not on others. For example some might be very vulnerable about their faith/beliefs/doubts but say nothing about their relationships. Some people only ever write about their children. Some only about their political views.
I know I'm stating the obvious, perhaps I'm just trying to figure out where I fit, how much I want to share, etc. I know I am often overly aware/sensitive to how others perceive me despite having spent most of my life trying not to care too much. I think most people that read my blog are people that already know me - in some senses it's probably them I'm most concerned about, rather than the unknowns who stumble across it. Maybe because in 'real life', we don't tell everyone everything. For example, there's people I speak to about my faith, and there's others I won't. I don't think it's because I want to hide, I suppose it's whether or not I think the other person will 'get it', or at least want to try to. A lot of people don't want to hear/talk about that kind of thing. Others only want to argue about it and I'm not really up for that. In the same vein there's some friends I'd tell really personal stuff to, and others I perhaps wouldn't. I do try to be pretty open with everyone, and would like to be seen as consistent, but I realise throughout the day I speak with different filters on. There might be a positive side to this, in that I think I'm quite good at relating to lots of different people from different backgrounds. I don't want to alienate people. But at the end of the day, even if the language changes, I'd like the message to remain the same as much as possible.
Maybe that's another reason for the blog. To speak more honestly than I do in person because I too easily shy from confrontation/feel intimidated or rushed. I've always been better at writing than speaking. And as I said, I don't want to hide. But what does that mean? Sometimes I fancy writing about embarrassing sex-related situations, or nakedness, or ranting about hair removal, or other less civilized topics that grownup girls aren't meant to talk about or admit. Not to shock, necessarily, but because I think some things DO need to be talked about more so that we realise things really aren't like they are in the films - for pretty much everyone, not just you! On the other hand there has to be some level of privacy, right? I don't know. I wouldn't want to embarrass people I love. I don't particularly want to just be known for talking about boobs and bits. But I do want to bring reality in, not just poemy, pondery pieces. I want to reflect more of the crazy breadth of life and people. [On the other hand maybe I just haven't had enough 'girlie' time lately to get all those things off my chest!] pun intended.
Annnnyway, hubby demands some attention so I must go...nooo not like that... it's time for another installment of 'Breaking Bad'. But in the meantime I'll keep on pondering the whys and hows of this bloggety-blog. Any thoughts, let me know :-)
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