Sunday 28 October 2012

First love

I don't want to keep dwelling on the past.  It keeps on surfacing in my dreams and flowing out the tip of my pen.  Neither do I want to forget it all.  So i'm trying to write it out my system.  I don't know if it'll work but I can't not.  The following refers to one of the chapters of my life.  One I find hardest to let go of.

First love

You taught me about being a foreigner, and how to make a home in a new place.  You taught me about being a minority, being a curiosity, being misunderstood.  You taught me about standing out, blending in, trying to hide, and accepting being seen.  You taught me about histories told from different perspectives.  You taught me about guilt and overcoming and walking a different path to those of the people that went before.

You taught me about being lonely, and learning to be alone.  You taught me how much comfort the stars can give.  You taught me that the hills could be my friends.  You taught me that the sky has something different to say, every day.  You taught me about smells that appear under the sun and made me screw up my nose in disgust. You taught me about scents that only appear at night and make me dream.  

You taught me that I could run.  You taught me I’d rather be outside.  You taught me to map-read. You taught me that classroom achievement is not the be all and end all, well not for me, anyhow.  You taught me about singing and passion and acting and how I longed how I longed to dance.  You taught me about rap and rnb.  You taught me about bodies and breasts and skin and hair.  You taught me that clothes don’t matter that much.  You taught me about peanut butter and syrup on fresh white bread, and rice cakes, and mangoes and how milk straight from cows tastes.  You taught me how to blow bubbles with bubblegum.

You taught me that an 8 hour round trip in a day for a swimming gala is nothing.  You taught me about waterfalls and dams and never-ending roads.  You taught me a little about farmers and politicians and missionaries and businessmen and teachers through their children, who became like family.  You taught me how easy it is to damage relationships with my own family.  You taught me to toughen the soles of my feet, and toughen my tongue.  Perhaps parts of me got a little too tough.

You taught me about crushes and love letters and flirting and Valentines day.  You taught me about endless handwritten notes and pouring out my soul into a notebook. You taught me I wasn’t ready to be claimed, that I was stubborn... and certain in my uncertainty. 

You taught me about disappointment and the reality of death.  You taught me about goodbyes and making the most of every moment.  You taught me how much more precious time is when you know it’s running out.  You taught me about true friendships and how big a hole these can leave when there is a few thousand miles separating you.  You taught me how much it hurt to miss you.  

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