Saturday 10 March 2012


Well the last few weeks have been full of a fair few first times... first time going to the gym (may write about this sometime!), first time auditioning (as expected, I didn't it, BUT did get some encouraging feedback so was pretty chuffed anyways) and today... first time Paintballing!

Now, I can't say Paintballing was on my list of things to do before I die, but I have wanted to try it, and when some friends invited us for a supposedly bargainous Groupon deal (which uhh, unsurprisingly wasn't quite as cheap as it seemed), we thought we'd take the opportunity.

So, 8am found us gathering, tired-faced, on a corner with 8 others - a motley European-Brazilian crew - jumping into hired cars and buzzing off into the Sussex countryside to some prefabs, men in green shirts, and a whole lot of mud!  Having donned boilersuits and been warned repeatedly that 'it hurts' and 'don't take off your mask of else you'll lose your eye', we were handed our guns (heavy! for a weedy girl with no arm muscels anyways!) and without much more than that, off we went!

Now we thought it was just going to be the ten of us, but there was actually about 50 people there, split into two opposing teams.  Fifty people shooting in a not ginormous (sp?) space is pretty full on to say the least!  Every tire-barricade, sniper-uhhhforgotwhatit'scalled-thing, and shelter seemed to be occupied by at least two people which made it almost impossible to move forward to get to our target.  It certainly gave me an idea (albeit just a tiny hint) of how pointless the trenches must have felt (in fact, the staff called the paintballing area 'the Somme'!), and how muddy!!  Most games I spent cowering behind a pile of tires, kneeling in a puddle, trying to dodge the 'bullet's flying through the gaps in the tires, and trying to aim, having never shot anything before in my life, and through a mask that constantly steemed up.  NOT EASY. !!!

No, not easy, and to be very honest, not fun.  By the third game I was shaking, sweating, out of breath, and realising that 'I didn't want to play anymore'.  That sounds so lame.  And I felt pathetic as I walked to the edge of the area, gun in the air, trying to hold back tears.  I felt embarrassed, but to be honest not really that surprised, I guess I just forget how sensitive I am sometimes, because I avoid situations when I feel super uncomfortable (like scary movies!).  I felt like primary-school Katrina who tried so hard but often came away in tears and feeling unable to do things that everyone else did.  OK, so maybe not just primary school Katrina!  The tears are still an almost daily feature!  But I guess now I'm more OK with being crazily sensitive.  But I'm also pretty wussy. ( I knew that already too!) The paintballs hurt, so I guess I was scared of getting hit by them, but at the same time they weren't that bad - I think it was more the fearful anticipation that was stressful, and feeling out of my depth, and just the fact of being shot at.  This lady is NOT made for the army.  And hates war more than ever before.

So, there we go.  I still feel a bit shaken up to be honest, 8 hours later!  Who would have thought paintballing would be so traumatic.  (Probably no one, because no one else seemed to be as affected as me.  haha! Although by the end some guys were admitting it wasn't so fun anymore).  Well guess I gotta laugh at myself and chalk it up to experience.  I'm still glad I tried it, and it was good to get out, and hang out with some great people, and to do something spontaneous.  But I don't think I'll be doing it again :-)

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