honest

one day, i'd like to just give an unedited version of how i feel. just tell it straight. without having already summarised, analysed, listed the pros and cons and then revised them. no brave faces, no polite 'fine thank yous', no fake smiles, no 'but on the other hand'. but are really given permisison to be real? is there time and is there the space? could i really shout/scream/sob/hide under the covers for a few days/curl up in a corner and rock slightly? no doubt i would offend. and this is what i fear. and fear is so strange because it's nearly always built on lies yet it ties us down and shuts us up. so we need faith. faith in a love that's stronger than anything we might fear. but the times we most need to believe in it are the times when it seems most far away. but we cling on to the scrap of hope in our hands and pray it holds us.