Still peace (Merry Christmas, even if you're not 'feeling it')

This has been the least Christmassy December of my life.

What I mean is,

I’ve not sung any carols, I’ve not read any gospels, I’ve not seen any small children dressed as sheep and stars. I’ve not lit any candles, opened any advent calendar doors or written any Christmas cards.

And even in a less Jesus-related Christmassy sense, I only had my first mince pies and mulled wine and Christmas shopping outing this week.

I’ve barely paused between working and travelling from place to place. When I have I’ll admit I’ve spent my time in front of a screen, facebooking or watching TV with hubby or this week, with family. I’ve not had many deep conversations, I’ve not really prayed, and I have more questions than ever about what I do or don’t believe running through the back of my mind.

I don’t know what to do with those questions. If I really stopped, I’m not sure what I’d focus on. I think I’d be a bit nervous about what I’d find (or didn’t).

Last year I put together a few evenings of quiet meditation and reflection in the Cornwall House of Prayer. I missed that this year. I think it would have done me good to put everything else aside for an hour or so, to embrace silence and light and darkness and waiting. Having said that to have organised any one more thing this past month would have probably driven me over the edge.

There is a time and a season for everything.

Paris

Two weeks ago we were in Paris.

And before it fades from memory and thankfulness, here's a little celebration of exploring, of visiting a dear friend, of open spaces and grandeur, of creativity and sunny balconies and good cheese.

I'd never been to Paris before, I guess I wasn't that fussed about going, and if Heloise had lived in another place then we would have gone there instead. But it is a bit silly to have had a friend there all this time and never visited.

So we went. Penzance to Paris isn't a quick job when you have no car and there's only a limited number of flights leaving from Bristol airport. But after a lot of trains and buses and walking with heavy rucksacks through the dark and rain in Bristol, we got there, and I'm so glad we did.

Something's got to give but what?

I've done some great things lately, like perform poetry in Plymouth and visit a friend in Paris and hang out with some cool older ladies down here in Cornwall.  I have lovely photos to edit and share and poems to scribble down and blog posts I want to write, but no time it seems. And when I do push myself to do everything, I get ill - like last week - when I had to cancel stuff and spend a lot of time in bed. I say that relationships are priority and yet I don't think I've been around for friends.

I can't seem to find the balance, and I'm not really sure how to change things.

So, for now, here's this morning on my walk to the sea, in an attempt to make a better start to the day...