Friday 22 August 2008

the down side

truth hovers at the edges and refuses to sink in
does not change the way this mind ticks
tock the clock rushes on and time slips away
the way i'd like to right now
be invisible
even though being invisible - that is - forgotten
is what i fear
what kicks these thoughts into gear
a train of dark depth i feel helpless to stop
until it overwhelms me
and i lie on the tracks
wishing i was unconscious so that i don't have to think
yet wishing i was not numb so that i'd feel the pain
and the relief of being alive

this sounds darker than i meant it too. don't panic! but it just came out in one of those moments.
how do u go from one week feeling encouraged and like you're in the right place and like maybe you've even grown up a little this year... to feeling so very small and weak and far from the person you'd like to be and wondering quite why you are here? but i know truth is not based on our feelings. just have to remember what the truth is and decide to believe it. easier said than done.

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